Fear, Joy, and Building Careers That Sustain Us

April 5, 2010 0 Comments

As a kid, I made books, wrote plays, and co-organized neighborhood concerts. I got up on Saturday mornings, put on my leotard and legwarmers, and danced my butt off to my something called “Get In Shape Girl” on VHS. When my brother and I were bored, we made up games and entertained ourselves for hours. My point is, like most kids who had the time to do such things, we played. We spent lots and lots of time playing and thinking up good and not-so-good ideas and being creative, and we enjoyed doing it. We rarely judged ourselves in the process. We just played because it kept things interesting and it made us feel alive. And somewhere deep down—wise little souls we were—I think we knew taking time to play mattered. I think we knew something about it was good for us, just like eating our vegetables, being nice, and getting enough sleep.

I’m sure you can guess where this is going. I agree with all the experts: somewhere along the line, we forgot how to play. I don’t know if the “we” is Americans, New Englanders, or 21st century young women trying to get it all right, but whomever it is, for many of us, it’s true. As for me, I forgot how to play around 20 when life began to get pretty serious, as life often does around this time. Life felt chaotic, I wanted to figure everything out quickly, and so rather unconsciously, I decided there simply wasn’t time to play anymore. Upon college graduation at 21, I went and got myself a serious job and began taking myself very seriously. The whole thing was very boring.

The problem wasn’t that I had a 9-5 job that was only an OK-fit, not a perfect-fit. It was that somewhere in the middle of beginning to plan out my career, I shut down the part of myself that looked for joy. Somewhere in the middle of getting serious, I pushed aside any consideration for joy out of fear that it would steer me off track. If I allowed it in, I might sabotage myself, I might go in another direction than I had planned. I wish I could say such a fear was irrational, but it wasn’t. I was right to be fearful; start paying attention to where you find joy in your life and work and everything changes. Does it change for the better? Yes. Does it make life easier? Yes and no. Mostly yes.Does it change for the better? Yes. Does it make life easier? Yes and no. Mostly yes.

Still, a few years after making the tough to choice to follow my head and heart when it comes to life and work, I can’t imagine going back to only listening to all those “shoulds.” Even worse—and honestly, when I am looking only for security, this frustrates me beyond measure—I don’t think I could go back if I tried. This other way of living inspires me more than I imagined possible, it energizes me when I desperately need energy, and it’s too much fun. Allowing joy into my work does the exact opposite of what I feared. It keeps me productive and thoughtful. It’s making me smarter. It’s doing all those things I thought only discipline could do. Discipline and joy need each other. They work best together—just like structure and creativity, patience and ambition, staying what with you know and taking big risks.

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