Mentoring Goes Far Beyond Support & Guidance
Originally published at BostInnovation.com
I think we’d all agree that young people stand to benefit from having a mentor. I’m going to go out on a limb and say I think we all need mentors though. Every single one of us, whether we’re 15, 25, or 50.
OK, maybe not every single one of us. Some of us aren’t so chatty. But at one time or another, for a fairly long stretch of time, especially during times of transition and especially if we’re the creative or entrepreneurial types—most of us should find ourselves a mentor in our field, cultivate that relationship, and allow ourselves to grow from it.
I was going to say something about how the world needs more mentors. Then it occurred to me that mentor/mentee relationships are everywhere. These relationships take many different forms, people appreciate them tremendously, we just don’t hear about them often. And because we so often fail to call them what they are—useful, quite often genuine friendships and mutually beneficial partnerships—I’d be willing to bet that too many of them fizzle long before both parties are through learning something.
What we need is to hear more about the value of these relationships on both sides. We need to talk more about how to go about finding a mentor/mentee in the first place. We need to challenge assumptions and falsehoods on the subject that ultimately prevent people of all ages and backgrounds from either asking for help or making an effort to share what they know.
Assumption #1: It’s all about emotional support. Mentors undoubtedly provide much-needed support and guidance, but at core, it’s about much more than that. Boston-based writer and editor Tom Ehrenfeld sums it up like this: “I think the value of being a mentor is that you get to build your own personal mastery by finding ways to codify and communicate what you do, and in such a way that it takes root in another person.” Mentoring is as much about communicating interesting ideas and approaches to one’s work as it is about simply helping someone out with their career.
Assumption #2: It’s a one way street, only one party benefits. Ehrenfeld says that mentoring forces him to be authentic, which is something he appreciates. “Even in terms of behavior, mentoring someone forces you to be honest. You must live what you preach.” To this effect, Ehrenfeld cites Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The King and I, recalling the quote: “By your pupils you are taught.” As a 26 year old, I try to remind myself that older generations quite often are just as interested in what we have to say as we are in what they have to teach. 20-somethings ask great questions, and people want to hear them.
Assumption #3: People become mentors out of a sense of obligation or service, not because they really want to.Codman Square Health Center Co-Founder and CEO, healthcare and education leader (and recent TEDxBoston speaker), Bill Walczak, came at the topic from a very different angle and a more personal one: “I feel like the lessons I’ve learned should be more easily given to the next generation of leaders. But there’s no official way of doing this in the nonprofit sector.” Senior executives and thought leaders have worked hard for their knowledge, wisdom, and expertise. More often than not, as Walczak says, they’ll probably want to share it.
Assumption #4: The person you really need to talk to is too busy to be bothered. In his experience, Walczak says nothing could be farther from the truth. “High-level people enjoy being asked questions because they want to be helpful,” he says. Walczak recommends going straight to the top if that’s the person you really want to speak with. He says young people may be surprised by the response they receive.
Assumption #5: The mentor/mentee relationship is a formal one with a set time frame, made possible by way of mentoring groups and organizations. For some of us, particularly young adults, this is true. For many others and certainly adults, it is not. Some of the people I consider mentors are people I’ve been lucky enough to work with on a daily basis for years. Others are people I meet with three or four times a year, but I know that the conversations we have during those few meetings have the potential of dramatically changing the way in which I approach my work.
Along these same lines, there are many different ways of being a mentor to someone. It isn’t about how often mentors and mentees meet; it’s about the quality of those meetings and the ideas that get exchanged.
We may consume more information on a daily basis now than ever before, but I still think we can do a better job of sitting down and simply talking to each other. Finding a mentor, asking for guidance, or becoming a mentor one’s self is a great way to do this.
